im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
