I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
