I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
