I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
