Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
