it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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