i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
