I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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