I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
