You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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