Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
