you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
