My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
