I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
