C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
