Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
no, he came in my armpit
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
