Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
