your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
