you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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