when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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