She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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