i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
