If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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