nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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