I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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