Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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