i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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