It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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