We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i think i just lost a toe
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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