where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
