@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
