and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
