I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
