if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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