VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
