She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
