Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
