Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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