She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
