Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
