True but thats because hes a fetus.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think your dad took our porno
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
