Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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