Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
