I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
