The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
