That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
