you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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