he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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