is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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