What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
