Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am one with the molecules
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
