His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
