I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
