....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
