how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
