Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
