is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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